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Art Criminals (not) Cowering in Fear of Police Investigation

It was by reported by Discovery News this week that the Netherlands has suffered its biggest theft in two decades, a heist which made off with seven really important and valuable works. How valuable? Millions and millions and millions of dollars valuable. Just one of these paintings could easily fetch 60, 80, even 100 million dollars from the right collector on the black market. Note to police: I am definitely not in this income bracket, so please look elsewhere.

Considering the enormous financial value, it is fitting that there should be a police investigation. But we're not talking about a shoplifted candy bar at the corner grocery. We're talking about a lot of artistic moolah here. So, what does a serious, high-stakes art investigation look like when conducted by your local police? What kind of high-techno-forensics will be involved in solving this crime-of-the-decade?

Police said they had “launched a major investigation that includes interviewing possible witnesses and examining closed-circuit television.”

Let me see if I've got this right. For a “major” investigation, these Dutch super-sleuths will interview witnesses and they will also check the security camera. Of course, there may not actually be any witnesses since it happened in the middle of the night, and doubtless the security cameras will show nothing, since anyone who has EVER watched a movie knows how to beat a security camera. This is the kind of investigation one gets for a major, multimillion dollar theft.

The police statement said, "An initial investigation suggests that the robbery was well prepared." Ya, I think we can safely say that those paintings will never be seen again in our lifetime, and wish their new owners many happy hours of viewing in their private vault.

In the meantime, could someone please send the Dutch police the latest season of CSI? Maybe they could catch up to the level of the average American television viewer.

Blerkins is an eclectic blog of scholarly reflection and cultural commentary for folks who still believe that Western civilization has merit; and that life is far too interesting to give up on, or waste on television.
Our audience tends to be people exasperated with the world but too idealistic to give up on cultural engagement; who swim in a world seemingly devoid of truth, yet are too ethical for hedonism.


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